daily confessions ( from Journal 2007)

I am 20, and I find my self in the same situation I was 3years ago. Is there something wrong with me, am I insatiable, or just special. Because all the relationships I find myself in become boring after a while.
It’s been a year and a half into my relationship with Nicole and all I can think of is breaking up with the woman I felt so much love for in the beginning. I remember how it all started, my love to stand out from the crowd made our chance meeting possible. The conversation in honors hall still plays back in my mind like it was yesterday. “Why do you have naked women in chains on the back pocket of your jeans” she said, I turned around to see who it was, and behold I saw the most beautiful woman I had laid eyes on. I had received numerous comments on he pair of jeans I wore, but this compliment was different. She seemed more disgusted than impressed, so I replied, “I don’t wear this all the time.” We conversed for a while and I proceeded to ask her out, she hesitated but eventually agreed to go out to the bar at Haynesville.
That is how it all started, the moment I laid eyes on her at the bar, I knew I had o make her mine. We danced and had a couple of drinks, she refused to drink saying “I have never drank alcohol before, and don’t intend to start now” this further solidified her as wifey material. We exchanged numbers and weeks later she was spending the night in my apartment. Things were great, if I was hungry she would go any length to satisfy my hunger, and I returned the favor.
Our first argument came Christmas time; I had gotten her a gift set of perfumes and all the other feminine stuff. She got me a pair of Docker pants that I already had. Generally I am a big gift receiver so I was very disappointed and let her know. I admit I was a little ungrateful, but I had expected more from Nicole. Many of our misunderstandings came due to gift giving because se let me down all the time. But there was an exception, March 23rd my birthday was a day to remember, Nicole had a surprise birthday party for me, I was touched and the thought of actually spending the rest of my life with this woman crossed my mind.
Things have changed since then, I have since fallen out of love with the best thing that ever happened to me. This feeling mutual or not is definitely not healthy for any relationship, but what do I know this coming from a guy who gets tired of relationships quickly.